


the guy who saved the world once

by bellaaanovak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, Flashbacks, Graphic Description, Hell Trauma, Lucifer's Cage, Protective Dean Winchester, Psychological Trauma, Therapy, graphic of gross stuff or torture kinda, idk how to explain it, mentions of Michael - Freeform, mentions of adam, mentions of emmanuel, psychotic episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1460017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellaaanovak/pseuds/bellaaanovak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So, Sam… if you could describe what you went through in a sentence or two, what would you say?”</p><p>“Hell. It was Hell.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	the guy who saved the world once

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place some time during the episode "The Born-Again Identity". Sam meets with his therapist in the hospital.

“So, Sam… if you could describe what you went through in a sentence or two, what would you say?”

“Hell. It was Hell.”

 

The woman across from Sam keeps her eyes on him curiously for a few seconds, and then goes back to her clipboard. Her salt-and-pepper hair is strung up in a tight bun and her glasses sit on her face comfortably. She is dressed in a long pencil skirt and a black blouse. She looks more like an attorney than a therapist.

 

Her skin is pale, but not too pale, not like the lifeless, white pale of a dead body, but a normal, elderly pale. For a minute, Sam wonders why she’s listening to his problems rather than drinking lemonade at a retirement home. She already asked him a multitude of questions regarding his past times, his family, and his sexual activity among other things. Of course, he told her the truth, although it was ominous and not at all disturbing. He hunts. _Deer and things?_ Yeah, and things. Everyone in his family is dead, besides his brother. Almost every woman he’s been with is also dead.

 

It was more than difficult to vaguely explain why.

 

Sam’s therapist, Mrs. Maxwell, looks at him with confusion and a hint of compassion as he presses his thumb into his hand, making Lucifer vanish. He jumps in surprise when, not a minute later, Lucifer is back. Sam looks at him with fear and he can feel his lip quivering. He wants to tell him to go away, to fuck off, to find a better thing to do, but he knows he can’t. He knows Lucifer is in his head and will not leave.

 

Mrs. Maxwell clears her throat and Sam looks back at her. “Sam? What were you just looking at?”

“I… No one.” The woman squints.

“I never mentioned anything about a person. Do you see someone, Sam?” Sam, getting ready to answer, flinches as Lucifer begins to cackle.

 

“I’m right here, sweets!” The hallucination says. “Sammy’s looking at _me_.”

“Don’t call me that.” Sam bellows under his breath. Only Dean’s allowed to call him that.

“You can’t get rid of me, Sam. You let me in, I’m here to stay, pal.” Lucifer starts to laugh again and Sam wants so badly to rip his tongue out, shoot him in the head, or do _anything_ to get him to shut up.

 

“Sam. Who do you see?” Mrs. Maxwell twirls her pen around slowly.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Are you kidding, Sam?” Lucifer says with a frown. “I’m disappointed, really. Most people who have hallucinations see the Devil. You know that. Although, they probably don’t see _me_ , I’ve killed just about everyone who has. They probably see a little red man with horns who tells them to cheat on their wives.” The image laughs again and Sam shakes his head, trying his best to ignore him.

 

He suddenly feels like he can’t breathe, and he knows he’s losing his mind – he’s already lost his mind. There is nothing for him to do anymore, nothing he can do about Lucifer, or about all the things he did when he didn’t have a soul. Sam feels the bitter cold of the Cage and shivers in his seat. He’s on fire, but there’s no heat. He feels like there are ice cold nails digging into his back and he can’t help but arch his body to try to escape the pain.

 

Mrs. Maxwell is talking to him loudly, trying to gather his attention, but it’s no use. He knows it’s no use; Lucifer is so much louder. He’s screaming at him, his hands are crawling down his arms, and his split tongue is wetting his lips.

 

Sam is screaming. He’s begging, he’s pleading, and he can’t tell if it’s in his head or out loud.

 

He hears the door open and louder voices but it’s probably just Michael torturing his little brother again. He can’t do anything about it, Sam dragged him in with him and it’s his fault his little brother is being tortured.

 

Dean is alone, he left him.

 

Dean is in front of him, yelling and shaking him, and then the Cage is gone.

 

His clothes aren’t on fire, the pain is gone, and Lucifer is no longer on his knees in front of him.

 

“Sam! Sammy, _dammit_ , answer me!” Dean is in front of him, above him? Sam realizes he is on the floor and everything flows back to him at once. He is in his therapist’s office and Dean is helping him up onto the uncomfortable chair. Mrs. Maxwell is standing at her desk with a hand over her mouth. Her clipboard is on the ground next to her feet, and Sam speaks.

“D-Dean?” His voice is hoarse from the yelling, and he sees Dean smile sadly.

“Yeah, Sammy, I’m right here, okay? I – I’m looking for a healer, and – I may be on to something, okay? There’s a healer named Emmanuel, I heard he’s legit. You’ll be fine in no time, champ. Back to crappy, lonely normal.”

 

Sam nods, knowing as his brother helps him back to his room in the psychiatric ward he most likely will not be back to normal anytime soon. Even years later, he sometimes sees Dean in the bathroom at a motel, staring at the mirror, seeing Hell. Feeling all of the things he did down there. It might take Sam years, but he could be helped.

 

He’s lowered back into his bed and Dean helps him eat a bowl of soup, bite by bite, like when they were children. His brother reassures him with every bite it’s just chicken broth and not blood or urine or any other nasty trick Lucifer decides to play on him.

 

It really is hard to believe he’s the guy who saved the world once.


End file.
